aahh..
y dun u always make mi tink abt my life?
yeah.. i admit..
been living my life day by day..
no goal, not striving, no motivation, slackin..
disgraceful..

Looking at your goals in life really makes mi feel...
Somehow i can't seem to find a word terrible enough to describe it.

Why can't i wake up from this state of mind?

I want to study,
I want to have more friends,
I want to have goals in life,
I want to feel good about myself,
I want to earn high pay when i work in the future,
I want to get good grades and hopefully be able to get into a University,
I want to live a more fulfilling life.
And I want to get a girlfriend. ( Then again... )

Feels shitty to be able to think about such ideas yet unable to accomplish them.
Anyone of them.

Feels shitty to be born in a broken family.
I don't have a brother to share porn with like you.
I don't have a girlfriend to share my happiness like you.
I don't have such an interesting yet inspiring father like you.
I don't have anyone here at home with me as I am typing this entry.
I have an elder sister; married. Now living in Jurong with her husband.
I am all alone.
I have my mother; she has her own life with her friends. Almost every time, she nags at me for every little small things. And I can never win an argument with her even though I am not wrong. She will just say, "Go live with your father."
And she wins. I shut up.
I feel lonely.


I am ashamed that I can't really study by my own.
I am ashamed with my my life up til now.

I am almost tearing as I'm typing this entry.
I hope you are happy that I wrote this long entry of self-confession with head and tail.
No mysteries whatsoever.
Understand me now?

P.S. I don't hate my mum, I love her. It's just hard for me to express it.




naked, i stand.. in front of all..
no deceits, nor lies around mi..
i've juz spoken my most truthful self i hav hidden for so long..

Labels: who will understand?